Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I guess my next stop is to go to Tamanthor and find the Citadel and pledge my oath.
My fear is that it may have been slightly romanticized for you.
The majority of them believe that there are no dragon gods.
While that sounds like a sad way to live, but I guess I understand why they would be
military and strong and I guess they're awfully afraid that they might be enslaved again.
Your view of Dragonborn, specifically from your village, might be shaken.
Did you do something different with your hair?
Uh, no, I mean, I think it's the same as it was before.
Maybe you're just exhausted, maybe you're just super tired, but Sully seems like he grew.
Yeah, now I just seem to be legitimately smaller than before.
Which I don't see why that's a problem, but apparently it's a problem.
Give me a couple days.
Let me look into perhaps wild magic and see if I can't find anything that would flippy the effect.
Is that the technical term?
All right, guys, can we make a pit stop at the hospital?
By the way, there's a growth on my body that I'm quite attached to.
In a non-romantic, more of a platonic, loving relationship.
You are a weird bunch.
Just full of problems.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
And with me today is Karla Maxted.
That is me.
I play Glim, a dragonborn pAlydin, just like so stoked to tell you about my man Bahamut.
And Tom Laird.
That's me.
I play Moot, a wild magic half-orc sorcerer who is currently a bit shorter than he was before.
And Amy More.
That is me.
I play a lightfoot halfling rogue named Sullivan's Light.
And I'm so interested to hear all about this story.
Bahamut?
He's never heard of him before.
I almost believe that could be possible.
It's like I've literally tuned him out or tuned you out so good.
Totally.
Guys, this tea smells amazing.
What kind of tea is it?
It is David's Tea Cold 9-1-1.
Are you fighting something off?
Yep.
Remember when I took that itty bitty sip of Russ's Powerade a couple days ago?
I do remember and you instantly went, oh fuck, why did I do that?
Never drink my Powerade.
I know this now.
I feel like you knew it before too, but you still screwed up.
This isn't one of those cults where we drink the Powerade, okay?
This is where I get my Powerade and you leave it alone or you get a cold.
I mean, that's a good way to always keep your stuff.
Booby trapped his Powerade.
Yeah, I did booby trap it with cold bugs.
Where we hopefully don't pass on any cold bugs is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast where when you are a patron of ours,
you get a whole bunch of really sweet exclusive Patreon content.
Like early access to our new show Facing Fate is over there and we have probably
half of the season up by now.
We're recording this in the past and I didn't want to go count it.
So it's probably almost all up there.
So much up there.
And you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Captain Mike.
Captain Mike?
Aye, aye, matey.
Mike's the captain now.
Smatey.
Smatey, I was going to say aye, aye, sailor, but I wasn't sure if that was.
I went with matey.
He flies the planes.
Oh, I thought he was a ship captain.
Maybe he's a ship captain.
He could be both.
Captain Mike is a very impressive man.
Check that all out.
Maybe not Captain Mike, but all the bonus content that we were talking about earlier
over at Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
We left you.
You were going to the hospital and they saw you.
There was no lump there that they saw.
They stitched you up because you did have a somewhat bleeding open wound.
And sent you on your way because there was nothing else to see.
Do I still feel attachment to where my lump used to be?
You feel like there's something missing.
Guys, I really, I know it sounds crazy, but
I really miss what I call it.
Ken?
Ken.
I miss Ken.
So bad with names I can't even remember the name I gave to my semi-sentient lump.
Is there anything we can do to help?
No, I don't think so.
I think this is just something I'm going to have to get through.
Maybe you could fill that void with Glim's friend Bahama.
She'll tell you all about him.
It's not a spiritual void so much as like,
like you know if you have like a brother or something and you guys are always together
and then he goes off to college and then you're left to fend for yourself in the wild
streets of the city.
Where are you guys right now?
I guess we're walking out of the hospital or like walking down the street.
Yeah you get out into the street and you hear a call from up ahead of you and it's
Hey you funky bunch what you up to?
Oh god is that his app?
It's me, Hillop, can you hear me?
I'm coming towards you.
Just look anywhere.
Hi Hillop.
Oh hey you crazy kids what you been up to this whole time?
How's your leg?
My legs are fine.
They healed quite well after the bumpety bump down the stairs.
Why why you say?
Oh it's a shoulder.
How's your shoulder?
Where you shot me in my heart?
I did not shoot you in your heart.
We were bestest of friends and you just you keep bringing up the fact that you shot me
in cold blood.
It's it wasn't in cold blood.
I just fooling with you.
Oh gosh listen I'm going I'm going through some some grief and some loss right now.
Can you just not?
What did he lose?
Why did he?
It's a whole thing.
It's sort of hard to explain.
He had a lump and they were best friends.
He had a lump?
And they were best of friends than me?
Well I mean we hadn't seen you Hillop.
We thought you were back on the caravan trail.
Oh no see you know what they're getting ready with the caravan out there but I too
had a lump and now it's gone but you know.
You did?
Wait you had a lump too?
Yeah it was a few days ago.
Oh did you like your lump?
It's yeah I was very it's very friendly lump it was there and it's
I drew a little smiley face on it.
Oh that's such a good idea.
I didn't draw a smiley face on it.
Where abouts was your lump?
Uh it was on it was on my backspace um.
So it wasn't on the delete?
Mine was on my control alt delete.
Yeah it was on my backspace and it uh it was like shoulder shoulder back here
and he reaches and he's trying to spin around and point to it.
Oh mine was right here and I and I spin and I'm trying to point to it.
There's two people spinning the street no it's right here just a little bit to the left.
It's a little down just a little bit down but just like a really hard place to see.
Look at us we're bonding so over our missing lumps.
Did you did yours just disappear Hillop?
Yeah one one day it was there it had the smiley face on it.
Next day I woke up and it was just like a big old bruise is what they told me
and it's bleeding.
Yeah I had a cut too.
Do you think our lumps escaped?
I mean that's what I assumed.
I don't know who who who would have taken a lump.
Do you think our lumps were stolen?
Who who would want to steal a lump?
Did you guys have have the envy of the lumps?
We didn't even know about the lump.
Yeah we had no idea this was a thing.
Good because of my lumps.
My lumps my lumps my lumps.
My lovely lady lumps.
Check it out.
Do you think this has something to do with those mushrooms that you both ate?
All those meaty mushrooms I try to remember them all the time.
I yacked mine up.
Yeah you did yak it up.
I yacked it up onto someone.
Yeah but I mean out of the four of us you both ate the mushrooms and then had
these lumps show up and Glim and I didn't and we didn't have any lumps show up.
Well I mean you two are missing out.
Yeah it was really wonderful for the short amount of time that we were together.
It was quite an amazing experience.
Really made me feel special.
It was almost like my friendship with Sully here but without the backhanded comments.
Or the arrow in the shoulder.
What's the arrow in the shoulder?
I almost forgot thank you for bringing that up.
You know when your lump just makes you feel like you're the only person in the room.
In the arms of my lump.
We can't have two F's with the F's of the angels.
SPCA commercial with Sully holding his lump.
Have you seen this lump?
This lump is missing.
Are you gonna put it on a milk carton?
Oh that would be like the grossest thing to see at the breakfast table.
Maybe the lump was sat alone in a buggy marsh.
Hey is there something funky about you?
You are shorter friend.
Oh yeah yeah yeah that that happened to me.
That's a thing that's happening right now.
Maybe it's permanent I don't know.
That's super cool.
Now you can fit through many more doors.
Yeah not as cool as a lump though am I right?
Well I wasn't going to try to rub it in too much but Sully has a point.
Well did you go to a doctor or anything to find out anything about the lump?
We just came from the hospital and they just sewed up the mark left where Sully's was but
did you learn anything about it?
No because it was gone.
They they stitched me up too and said it looks like I got stabbed in the back with
with a sharpie pokey point.
And then I said I have a friend who likes to shoot me with sharpie pokey points.
Oh yeah it was one time.
And they said to probably avoid him and then I look at this I stumble across each
other and he too is inflicted with the sharpie pokey point where there used to be a lump.
Well I'm starting to think that our lump might have been something.
Something that was inside that like has now come outside.
Do you think your lumps like ran off together?
Well it can't help but make me feel like like maybe we weren't good enough.
You know like why would he leave?
We weren't lumpy enough.
This is very sad.
I don't like to see my friend so sad.
Do you have any idea of what we can?
I mean Moot's idea about the mushrooms does kind of seem to make sense.
Well yeah but I yacked mine up.
Yeah but still I mean you probably didn't get all of it.
Maybe you didn't yack it up fast enough.
Maybe it's those like the oils in it.
Oh geez.
Hey if it exploded from our backs at some point probably while we were sleeping
do you think there'd be a trail of something to follow?
Oh I think you didn't notice anything on your sheets when you got up
or you just didn't think to look.
I don't know if you know this about me Glim but I'm not very like observatory.
Right, right.
We did talk about it several times.
What?
Well we've got a couple days before we find out about you know
Moot's incredible drinking problem so
Sure do you make short pants over there?
So we could I mean
He wishes.
We could go to the temple and see if there's or where are you staying
Hilla? Maybe your place is closer.
We can investigate there easy.
I'm a man of the road.
I stay in my caravan.
How far away is that?
Where are we?
You're just walking down the street and you have absolutely no idea where you are?
You know some days I just go out for a walk and it takes me a while to get back there
because I find new friends to talk to and then they take me to other places and we
we hang out and we have we have baguettes and we have drinks and then we laugh about
all the times that we had earlier in the day and then I don't know where I am and
then I stumble my way back until I find the caravan.
Well it sounds a little bit dangerous Hilla but I'm a little worried about you doing
that but you're a man of the world so it's it's fine.
Well I thought you were going to offer me a place to stay.
No that's cool.
That's fine.
No that's what that lead-up was for.
Yeah.
Oh geez Louise.
No it's fine.
Sorry I didn't pick up on that subtext.
You seem so happy with the way your life was.
I mean it is pretty great you should try that sometimes with all the baguettes.
You know Shorty I've seen you at the sun and stars.
Oh yeah I'm there constantly.
You know just earlier today they had this thing set up and they said it was for
for moot and it was this very lovely luxurious table and Remy said that he was
he was just whipping up something special for his good buddy moot.
You know no charge on this one because you come in so frequently but then he
came in all in a huff later and was like off through the table against the wall.
I mean wow that is that sounds so unlike Remy he's usually such a cool customer.
Well it sounds like you got some making up to do.
It definitely does sound I'll have to I'll have to swing by tomorrow.
Okay okay so we're going to go check out the crime scene where somebody stole your
your your friend.
Yeah okay let's go let's find him.
Let's go find him.
The four of you head back to the temple of Bahamut.
Takes you a little while to get there but you make it into Sully's room.
How does Sully's room look?
That's a little bit messy.
The word disaster zone comes to mind.
He doesn't have that much stuff so there actually there actually isn't a whole lot
around because he travels light.
His bed is totally unkempt.
It looks exactly the way like a teenager's bed would look.
You wonder how on earth they get those blankets straight to sleep in.
They don't know.
And yeah just a few things here and there shoes on the floor but otherwise fairly tidy.
Okay so where did it happen?
Did it happen in here?
Well I assume it happens when you go go to sleep because I have no recollection of anything
you know coming at me.
Well let's pull back pull back your blanket.
I feel weird doing it but maybe see if you see anything on the sheets.
Seems risky in like a howl to see boy's room.
I think he's 19.
Don't get a black light out.
According to them Sully just masturbates just all the time.
Ferocious masturbation.
Whoa that is an aggressive sentence.
Yeah I mean whatever else you see you can describe but you do see a spot of a spot
of blood a boat wound position where you would be laying and it kind of like trickles down
the side closest to the wall.
Hey look look there's definitely a trail.
Uh hold my I assume these are just like mattresses like like bed rolls on the ground.
Or at least just a very simple bed.
I'm picturing like a just a simple frame.
Yeah yeah.
Uh I I pull the bed from against the wall to look down the other side.
Make an investigation check.
New dice.
Oh that's a 13 which is less shitty but my investigation is a plus one so 14.
Yes you see uh the blood that trickles down the side and then it's almost like
it's something slid across the room but you lose the trail about halfway across the room.
Oh jeez.
And it just there's no real entry or exit it just terminate like kind of just fades off
at that point.
Like the blood has dried up.
Like the blood has dried off.
Well I know uh that uh Ken made it halfway through the room and then probably
left.
I don't even know what we're looking for here.
And I don't know.
I I don't know.
Maybe those guys at uh El Torcho Academy can uh.
Oh you went to El Torcho.
They have the cool they have the cool skewers with the meats.
Are we talking about the same place?
I don't think so.
El Torcho they have the torches.
No this is a magic school.
Yeah.
Oh that's different.
They should change their name because it's very close to the very trendy restaurant El Torcho.
Well now I know I want his meat on sticks.
You too that sounds great.
Is it one of those places there's like the fire in the middle of the table and
you cook your meat yourself?
Yeah that too.
They come along with big pieces of meat on skewers and they and they saw it off.
Both of those things happen at the same time.
Can we stop by?
They saw off slabs of raw meat to your table and then you cook it in the center.
El Torcho sounds just downright magical.
El Torcho is pretty magical.
Well maybe we go get some baguettes and swing by El Torcho's.
They let you bring your own bread?
Well we have some baguettes on the way because it's a bit of a hike.
Oh I see.
In the other side of the city.
Right right.
You own a caravan.
What?
Why don't you just take a horse?
Well because the streets are very narrow.
They don't like you taking the horses through the city.
Oh all right.
Well what do you guys want to do?
I mean other than go to El Torcho.
Well yeah I mean that's number one on my list now.
But definitely I mean we have to eat.
We flash ahead to El Torcho.
Okay oh great.
You're there.
We'll talk about it there.
You're having the same discussion but you now you're in El Torcho there's
massive there's just massive fire in the center of this table that as you sit down
it simmers back down and there's a grill plate there and they come over with very
heavy types of meat beef and chicken and pork and something his fans fantastical.
I have the meat sweat set in yet for moot.
You are sweating even before you start eating.
You're a smaller man now.
So you just don't have the constitution that you had before.
But feel free to continue your conversation now eating meats.
Okay I love it.
So what do you guys want to?
I felt so sad when you were talking about your lumps and you just seem so distraught.
And I mean it there was that little trail of blood but any idea?
Do you want to keep looking?
Do you want to just accept the loss and mourn it and move on or what do you think?
I don't even know.
I mean like the mystery of it all is killing me.
Oh my god what if it was a little mushroom with legs.
That would be very yummy too.
Oh no we're not supposed to eat our friends.
Um I lost them.
I got caught up in the meats.
That's fair.
That's all I've been thinking about since we came here.
Yes they're very tasty.
Here try this one.
It's it's I don't even know what it is.
Well it's delicious.
That's Sully eating meats.
Well I mean it would be very interesting if we could find Sully's.
We at least know that it went like a little bit left from his original starting point.
So that gives us somewhere to go.
Me I don't even know where where where Barry left me.
What was it what was yours named?
Barry.
Okay so we finish our meats and go back to the temple.
Well now that we've got that out of our system we can think clearly.
While we're like re-energized right.
If I'm thinking about a specific kind of food it's all over for me until I have that.
That's all I want until yeah.
We flash back to the temple and you're back in the room now full a little bit more tired.
But perhaps more invigorated.
Maybe if I just lay down we can re-enact what happened.
Okay I like this plan.
Okay.
Shall I play Ken?
Sure.
Okay cool.
All right.
You just lie down like you were laying before.
Okay I lay down on my side with the lump side down.
Okay tuck tuck me in here moot boy.
Okay.
Okay I hide under the covers.
Okay so go.
What do you do while you sleep?
I don't know I fucking sleep.
What do you do when you sleep?
Do you like make gurgly noises or like stretch around?
You have to get into character at this point.
I am me about to fall asleep.
Also about to kick you out of my bed.
Okay well that's not really the point of this exercise.
Okay right I was just trying to get him in the in the moment.
I thought you were going to say in the mood.
Get out of my bed.
I am Ken.
I am stretching my maybe limbs.
I'm bursting free from my my side womb.
I am covered in my host's blood.
I am trickling down.
We didn't move the bed out far enough for me to play Ken.
Glim moot you move the bed.
Okay we move the bed over.
Scooch that bed over for you.
I'm trickling down the side.
How did this happen?
I don't know but keep going.
I am trickling down the side and I am crawling sludging along.
Maybe I have legs.
Maybe I don't.
We're gonna find out.
Oh and I've hit the point where I've run out of my host's blood.
Now where do I go?
What do you see down there?
Where would you go?
I see well there's the closest exit.
I mean the door is the closest exit and then the window.
If I have if I have hands and legs and maybe I have sticky sticky fingers
I could climb to the window but I look at the wall
and I don't see sticky fingerprints so maybe
maybe I crawl to the door and I crawl to the door.
Okay now we're just following along as
Sully remains in bed.
Yeah I imagine Sully's falling asleep at this point.
Sully's definitely asleep.
Okay so now I'm out the door.
Sully we're trying to find Ken.
This is your whole thing.
You should come with us.
Right so much meat so much meat.
I roll out of bed.
How much of that performance did you get?
You're crawling out the door because it's the nearest exit.
Yes now come down here with me pretend you are Ken.
Get into the mindset of Ken.
Well I'm already really close to the ground so I'm just gonna bend over a little bit.
Okay.
All right I'm Ken.
I'm walking around.
I'm probably hungry.
It's a possibility.
Do do do lumps eat?
Do lumps walk?
Well we haven't determined if Ken has legs or not yet.
Well it's gotta have some sort of mode of transportation.
I mean I think food seems I think that's pretty smart Sully.
If you just if you just been birthed from your host's side womb.
Gross.
I hate everything about this.
Then maybe you you need some sustenance so.
Is there a baguette in this temple?
There is not but there is a kitchen.
Oh well maybe we head to the kitchen.
Is it down these stairs in front of us?
Yes.
To the kitchen we go.
Down here with me Sully.
Are you guys seeing anything down there?
Any like disturbances in the dust or any prints or anything?
Well I mean.
Is it evening now?
Probably.
Yeah because this was like a whole like this happened first thing in the morning.
And now we're trying to investigate.
And we stopped for a whole large meal in the middle.
That's right.
There is a little flickies.
How often do they sweepy sweepy here?
I mean it's usually very clean.
Okay well you should talk to the owner and tell them that there's a little bit of dust here.
Don't worry I got it but next time someone might not do this.
You're right.
Most people wouldn't come somewhere they've never been before and then
crawl around on the floor pretending to be a lump escaped from a body.
Well when you say it that way.
When you say it that way it just sounds so fucking insane.
You make your way down the stairs into the kitchen and you're following
Hillup and Sully who may or may not be crawling beside of him.
I'm crudgy.
Says okay what else there's a pantry over there.
Okay well let's go check out the pantry then.
Well yeah.
That was my cue to say maybe you lead.
Oh my god.
I walk over to the pantry and I open the door.
Do you see anything?
I rule an investigation.
Sure.
That's a seven.
You don't see anything and then Hillup comes in behind you
and he's like how could you miss it?
What are you talking about?
Look along the bottom shelf here get down here.
Ah I crouch.
Look there's there are things missing from the lower shelf.
What's kept on the lower shelf?
Um I don't know I mean like probably some some barley and things you know like dried
grains like you'd keep in the pantry.
It looks like maybe the mice could have been here or the ken.
Maybe ken is a mouse.
So you had a mouse in your side?
Did you have a mouse in your side?
That is yet to be determined.
Well I don't know.
Okay well it looks like there's a tiny hole that's torn in the side of this this burlap
bag that things are spilling out down into.
Well grab it let's take it in there and open it up pour it out maybe he's still in there.
Okay okay now we're onto something here.
I'm scared now it's like you know you're like you wanted it to happen but now that
it might be happening you're just really not too sure you actually want to meet your lump.
That is a very common thing yeah.
Yeah we've all been there.
Totally.
So I get out a bowl and I open the bag and then I pour it out
and maybe we see anything in there that is untoward.
And we're back in the middle again.
The spooky middle.
You know what it is kind of a spooky episode we didn't plan it that way but you know.
I mean yes we did we completely planned it that way.
Totally.
Totally planned it just like we always do so that the things happen at the right seasonal
time like spooky things when it's spooky.
We nailed it.
Interlude more like inter booed.
You know where you can get all those those sweet jokes.
Where Russ tell us.
How about this one Russ you know where you can get some spooky fun.
That's better.
Tell me more about the spooky fun.
Well we recorded a very special Halloween episode for patrons only.
You would like to join us on Patreon.
You can listen to that and A I believe this is the official metric shit ton of other bonus
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A metric shit ton.
Other episodes other arcs all kinds of fun stuff.
You can listen to more of us being dinguses.
Now I know what you're thinking.
That sounds amazing.
You've you've paused the podcast you've gone over to Patreon you've signed up.
Where's this Halloween episode.
It's coming out tomorrow as this as this will be in your feed tomorrow.
If you're listening to this in the future it's already there.
Yeah no if you're listening this October 30th it comes out tomorrow.
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and we play a sweet fun spooky fun Halloween episode more fun than spooky and we say fun
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Yeah so come join us and it's a gross spooky fun good time.
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All right that's the middle hopefully enjoy the rest of this episode because it's a real humdinger.
That's right now you're at the butt end of it.
Fade to black.
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You pour out the oats into the bowl and while you don't see anything that is not oats
you do see a lot of things that are oats a lot of things that are oats
no you you begin kind of like moving around and kind of sifting through and toss it through them
and a what comes to the top is a tiny like you know how lizards shed their skin
hmm that's what rises to the top but it's more humanoid in shape
esk but very small so there's like a tiny exoskeleton husk
ish yeah more reptile skin like than exoskeleton but yes
oh my god do you think this is kin here do you have any feelings about this and i
like hold out towards him to see if he has any kind of like emotional reaction
no this is just an empty shell of what used to be ken so it did used to be ken
well i mean maybe i i never i never seen a lizard look like this and this looks like
a tiny person does this look like a tiny person to anybody else it it does that's kind
of weird yeah yeah like i gave like side birth to my own twin yeah
i mean it was weird before but now it's just real this is a real humdinger
okay you have very important things that you contribute to conversations
hey look i was the one who found the maybe ken that's true so you're a tiny human and
you've just side birthed you go eat some food you grow out of your skin shed your skin
you need clothes where do you go next clothes he went to the tailor oh okay we'll go to tiny
town to the tiny town tailors and then to the haberdashery the tiny town haberdashery he needs
a hat right no self-respecting tiny side birth human would not have a nice hat right hillip
begins walking around the room and there's a back door in this in this kitchen um and he goes
and opens it up he says well i don't know how big he gots but um he might have fit
underneath this door if he was still a small small boy or girl you're right or girl well you
know what though i did get a i did get a specifically male feeling from him i mean you named him ken
which is i mean she's very historically a male name not that it really matters but um kendalyn
can it kendalyn not just kendal i would have gone either kendal or or kennedy or
kendalyn kendra i mean kendra that's a good one a lot of options so never mind you do you
i'm gonna i'm gonna look so i get down also i open the door and also get down on my hands
and knees and see if i can see anything exiting this door oh i don't i rolled a two
oh you don't have a sweet bonus i don't how sweet of a bonus could i possibly have he's got like a
plus eight to some stuff i do i have a plus nine just light of hand there you go um i come over and
i also look all right everybody's welcome to look 18 18 get your own number tom no it was
the same number all three of you come get down and beside him oh wait 17 i thought i had
a plus one but i don't sorry amy that's cool so you're enough you can have 18 thank you appreciate
it um all three of you come get down now you're you're like right into this um moot are we are
we you're right into this you're into it i mean you're rolling ales at the meat place like
probably gotta wash down that meat somehow i guess so um glim you don't see anything and
it empties into a a fairly busy street um moot and sully you see moving down the steps um small
tiny footprints that get as you kind of track them down the stairs they get lost in the
in the just the pathway just the regular traffic tramples them and you kind of lose
them at the bottom of the stairs uh he do we smell or see anything in either direction that
maybe stands out like is there a smell of delicious cooked goods coming from one way or
i'm trying to think of something that sure a tiny hungry person might go towards um the
the kitchen exits onto a side alley so you go to the left you get out to the main road
you go to the right it goes down a back set of out like a bad series of alleys that cut behind
a lot of the buildings along this block if i was a teeny tiny person if i was a teeny
tinier person i would probably take the back alley so i didn't get all squished and squashed
yeah i think you're right yeah the main roads probably very loud in comparison so i'd probably
stay away from that especially being all naked and stuff
true i mean you'll also maybe being that new have no sense of shame
also who said i'm ashamed to be a naked i'll get naked right now
sorry sir no no no sir you already proved that you shake you shake your
your tushy at that's anybody who you so desire well that was just for truth of
all right but i mean okay i go forward has been established i go forward down the alleyway
everybody's following yeah you bet all right i'm really invested in this
tiny how could they not it's weird it's so upsetting but delightful
it's all of those i can't wait to meet our new party member tiny ken
oh my god can we hey can we name yours barbie may my name my name my love barbie it was barry
it's pretty close was barry's bobby's so close well i mean if we find your lump we might find
my lump that would be pretty cool that's right maybe they are hanging out together
they've started their own traveling lump band joins the lump circus
how many of these things do you think are out there that there's a whole circus full
this is uncertain but maybe more than two do i see anything as i'm walking down this alleyway
make an investigation check for the new area that you know it's only a four i also rolled
a four oh i will do better i hope 13 hillip
i mean hillip can roll too he's not really i don't think it matters what dice i have you guys
nope the four of you are walking down the the alleyway and it's getting pretty dark
there's not much light there's light coming from some of the windows from inside a lot
of the buildings um moot you um you walk past another alleyway that cuts between buildings
back to the main street and you notice a what looks like a young boy standing in the alley
you there boy what day is it uh excuse me did you happen to see anything
super small heading down this alley he's 10 or 15 feet down the alley and he
he turns i'm assuming this young boy is wearing clothes and looks like a normal boy yes yes sorry
he's wearing clothes he's got a actually he's got a hood up but you can see that he's a
younger just by the build of him um he turns and looks at you um and stands and turns his
body towards you um and takes a few steps forward figure the three of you have kept walking
maybe you've heard moot stop and talk but moot you see as he steps into a bit of a light shining
out of window you see a third eye in his forehead huh and you don't see his lips move but you
hear in your mind and he says
meet me in the graveyard
what do the three of you do you hear moot talking to somebody probably walk up to see who he's
talking to moot moot did you find the tiny man as they come back and to you moot uh the boy
vanishes in a almost a cloud of shadow and he's gone before they come around the corner
you look down the alleyway and there's nobody there for everybody else who you talking to man
did you see him it's do i just not see him he's too small uh no uh there was a person a
young man here but now i don't i don't know guys i thought someone was here but maybe
maybe not
did you have too many meats are you getting the meat hallucinations i've heard of those i haven't
experienced them yet maybe i needed one more slice of the unknown the unknown was pretty
delicious i swear we should probably go ask it go ask them sometime and see what that meat was
so we could get it ourselves hillip do you know is there a graveyard anywhere around here
i mean there is there is a graveyard yes it's uh the city of the dead is the graveyard for water
deep is it close by why you want to go there yeah that's sort of a strange question out of
nowhere here in this dark alley and very specific well the person i thought i saw
they told me to meet them in the graveyard wait so you did see someone or you didn't see
well i thought i did i thought i did because he seemed real to me but then when you guys came over
he wasn't there anymore i mean that sounds like exactly the sort of person you should
probably tell your friends about the kind that are there and say like weird mysterious things
and then just disappear yeah that's why i'm telling you okay also he had three eyes
oh oh okay wow kind of buried the lead on that story probably should have led with that one
oh and when he talked to me he didn't move his mouth but i heard him in my head
and he told you to meet him in a graveyard yeah and you want to go there well i'm you know
like this is a good idea i'm a curious personality okay in more ways than one did he seem like did
he have an energy like a ken kind of energy oh good question i don't maybe i don't know what
the ken energy really is well i think we just call it ken energy oh that is good
hmm what would we call mine a barergy that doesn't roll the same the barometer oh you
are very good at these such things i know that's why we're best friends um so yeah maybe
you know if we can track ken down we can also go do you think we should go to the graveyard
i'm really intrigued i mean i'm also intrigued but when we say it out loud it sounds like a very
bad idea but it sounds crazy but i mean well i got these and i pull out my daggers so maybe
you stabbed yourself and you got your ken free did i also stab you did you sleep with your daggers
i don't sleep with my daggers i sleep naked the way god's intended
so yeah we got we got this weird graveyard guy so uh let's go make poor choices
i guess let's um let's hit the graveyard and see either a three-eyed boy or a tiny human or
maybe both or just a bunch of dead people or just a bunch of dead we'll almost definitely
see them yeah they'll they'll for sure be there um i'm sure i've seen it on the on the
walkabout sometime and i will i will uh maybe there's a great baguette on the way we get some
some delicious baguettes okay do you want more food i can't even think about eating
hillip oh my goodness it's been a whole like hour two hours that we've been crawling around
on the ground trying to track down the tiny ken well you're the only one that's been
crawling hillip look you guys you did it at the end there i saw you
you admit it you got into it you were playing my game and it worked look at us we found a
three-eyed wonder in the middle of the night and now we are headed to mystery
it's gonna be really exciting i mean again when you say it out loud it sounds crazy
i don't think we need baguettes though i don't think i think that may be like
like like an expediation is the important part of this did he give you a time was he like at
11 30 or no he just said meet him in the graveyard
okay well i guess we could go tomorrow too do you want to go during daytime yeah but do like
spirits who could possibly help you out even come out in the morning time
i mean we're already on our way i say we just keep going and hillip maybe if we'll pass a
baguette and if we go past one you could pop in very quickly oh thank you this was so nice
i will get each of you a baguette just for being so kind in my considerations on this
adventure you carry on your way through water deep and as you're getting nearer you do
pass a baguette and so you all you all each of you are now in possession of a baguette
whether you eat it or not that's up to you you get nearer to the city of the dead which is the
cemetery ward in water deep and from behind you you hear a call out that says uh fun noise
i think someone's calling you fun fun noise is that you fun times is it burko yes yes it is
me the master of magic burko well what are you doing here uh well i was i was out uh perusing
for a delicious baguette which it seems you have found is it back this way would you just like
mine no i wouldn't want to take one person's baguette it's no no i i insist i'm still very
full from our all meat dinner that is very kind of you i will hold it and not not eat it
until i give you the news that you sir might be shorter for good
as i hand him the baguette like oh well that's it's not exactly the news i wanted to hear so
i looked into this wild magic asked a few friends uh you know we mulled it over we
talked about it usually when wild magic is involved it um it creates
irreversible effects it is to be not not toiled with
so he should just stop doing magic altogether well i mean if he doesn't want to get shorter
that's probably a great idea if you're just dabbling in in in the dark arts without
proper education as one does
so wait the wild magic is a dark art well it's it's unexplained by
my many in in the in the education field it's just something unexplained doesn't mean
dark though i was just using a metaphor to to try and scare you away from shrinking more
seemed like you were trying to magic shame me i was not trying to magic shame you you gave me
this delicious baguette and for that i am eternally grateful and wish i had proper
better news for you you took a man's baguette and gave him terrible news i don't think that's
very good bedside man i tried not to take his baguette knowing that i had not proper good
news to give him it's okay you can still have the baguette thank you thank you very much um
sorry to not be of any more help um perhaps you could get your friends to pull hard on your legs
and and on arms i hear that's a new thing they're rolling people out trying to stretch
them stretch them taller okay um that's terrible i'll think about that uh just random weird
question for you for men any three-eyed people um well uh no not okay not i mean no oh yeah well
we got you here something burst out of my side that you said look i told you i'm not a doctor
it was a little person that is very strange
how why do you have a little person inside your side out of my satchel i take the uh like the
teeny tiny i assume it looks like a little snakeskin snowsuit that's sort of what i'm
picturing yeah yeah like uh yeah it'd be really hard to get out of if you had to pee what is
well this is the uh the shedded um exoskeleton can you not wave it in my face well i just want
you to take a real close up yeah that looks vile yes uh and that came out of you no no
the thing that shed it came out of me i mean so and now we're tracking it down really yeah
well that sounds like you i think the world needed more than one of me and so i burst myself
it's a very high high view point you have of yourself
mm-hmm yeah um well i'm gonna have to hit the books on that one
when you take my baguette and feel free to swing by and talk to fran and
let her know you're you're coming to visit me again
okay okay bye burko hope i see you tomorrow zumba i will i will be there after carbo loading up
with this baguette i would hope so you betcha gotta work off this this sweet baguette oh he
takes a bite oh you're missing out good friend sweet noise so we just ran into him on the street
right he wasn't in the graveyard no no he's he was just yeah before you got to the the ward he
just he just came upon you it's funny how that happened so you carry on your way and
you make it to the gates of the city of the dead and it is a it is a gated ward it goes
all the way around hillip explains to you if you had not ventured out that far into the city yet
but it is um yeah entirely iron gated fence and iron rot fenced off
um the gate is passable it's not locked if you so desire to enter
let's do it yeah now and never i got 11 hp let's go into this graveyard meet this three-eyed
no-mouth boy
what are you doing to how are you entering what are you what's the the general mood of the group
here i take my daggers out it's a dark graveyard yeah yeah i think i would i would not looking to
stab a little three-eyed boy or anything like that but like who knows what else might but
you want to be ready yeah i would like to kind of nervously rubbing the feather necklace
i have in my hand yeah i've got my war pick out just okay um everybody is uh ready to rumble so
they say hillip is following very close behind um he is holding a torch um kind of over the
shoulders of glim perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps uh he's holding the over the
shoulder of glim um you carry through the cemetery everybody make a perception roll
19 eight eight amy get your own number sorry um aided by the torch light that
uh hillip is holding over your shoulder glim the general feel at least right now is the
the shadows are playing tricks on everybody's eyes you see just it it's probably just the
wind moving the branches uh hillip moot and sully think there are things moving beyond
their vision uh within the cemetery glim you don't see these things you see them
rather as as they are tree branches and leaves and bushes and tombstones
guys it's so creepy in here what do you mean it's just i mean it's dark and i know it's
the final resting place of a lot of people but just branches and gravestones it's not really
i think it's just a cemetery at night it has a has a weird vibe i don't know i think there's
like things in the trees and stuff maybe it is the ken and the berry i think if it was ken i
wouldn't be so freaked out you know i have a feeling of comfort that is true yeah maybe it's
that uh three-eyed boy hello you continue you home you continue walking through the cemetery
kind of going up and down rows and glim as sully and moot and hillip kind of spread out a
little bit you're all close together but directly in front of you glim you see a small boy in a
dark hooded tunic and he lifts his head and looks up at you and you see that he has a
third eye right in the middle of his forehead he's very pale compLexion
and all four of you here in your head
the demon gates are opening
and then he looks directly at glim your destiny it calls
you
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over top of you apparently russ was not expecting things to go this way i don't think any of us
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is a dumb dragons production